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WhiteboyStyle.com //Making Other Blogs Jealous Since 1998 //

Monday, November 9th, 2009

What Twilight Character Am I?
Posted @ 7:04pm

I was raised by two of the biggest sci fi lovers you'll ever meet. I grew up surrounded by dragons, wizards, and Klingons, and somehow turned out semi normal. Over the years I've seen plenty of updates to classic sci fi tales, like Frankenstien, Zombies, and others, but I don't think anyone has taken a sci fi classic, and pissed on the rules more that "Twilight".

I know all you Twilight lovers are gonna come after me for this, but, this irked me more than the newest rendition of the Star Trek movies, and I bitched about that for weeks.

Am I crazy? You be the judge, let's break it down.

First, and most importantly, sunlight kills vampires. I don't know who this Twilight vampire thinks he is, running around in the day time, chasing tail, like he's Blade, he's not fucking Blade!

Second, most vampires are thousands of years old. Why is this dude hanging out in a high school, chasing 16 year old poon? I didn't know Twilight was about an unrealistic pedophile vampire!?!

Third, they have a sequel coming out, now with a werewolf. Last time I checked, being a werewolf was like a once every full moon deal. Why is this dude busting out in werewolf form whenever he damn well pleases?

Fourthly, what is up with the chick in this movie? Can't she find a normal boyfriend? Dating vampires, werewolves, in the next movie she'll be dating that Creature from the Black Lagoon.

black lagoon

I think the worst of it though, is this last one. This is the thing that really put fire in my pants to sit down and write this....and that is...

VAMPIRES DON'T SELL FUCKIN VOLVOS!

I rest my case!
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Things I Am Not A Fan Of
Posted @ 6:33pm

I do my best to make my updates as long as possible. Sadly, I have the attention span of slutty girl in a night club, so often, even though it takes me a long time to think of things to write, and actually write them, it takes you, the reader, 30 seconds to eat it up. Luckily, I'm brilliant, and decided to just put all those short updates into one long one.

I've titled it, "Things I Am Not A Fan Of", which I think works well, because practically everything I write falls under that category.

Let's begin.

5) The Wanda Sykes Show: First of all, how did this chick get another show? I already can't stand her as the bitchy cow on that Nickelodeon show! Secondly, wasn't the last show she had that got cancelled "The Wanda Sykes Show"?? That's as bad as Norm MacDonald having to be called "Norm" in every acting role he gets. Let's end this show now, and put some more reruns of the office on in it's place.

4) Fox News: Why are they always telling me everything I believe is wrong? I don't tell them everything they report is wrong!

Wait.....that's totally what I do.

3) Leaving My Door Open: I have a "No Solicting" sign up for a reason. After some guy tried selling me raw meat out of a cooler, I knew it was time to put an end to this. Yest, every single time I leave my damn door open, they get me. I know by the time I've come to the door, they've seen the sign, but now they got me trapped. The worst is when it's stuttering kids trying earn money for college, or something lame. I may be a douche at times, but I don't get as much pleasure as I imagine, slamming my door in a 13yr old kids face.

Like they're gonna make it to college anyway!

2) Your Kid: My kids cool, but I have a strong dislike towards children. I'm not sure where it came from, and I don't really care, but I flat out do not like kids. If you're kids keeping my kid busy, awesome, but when your kid is so awful that my demon child wants nothing to do with them, then imagine how I feel about em!

1) Pussy Stalking Me: For weeks there has been this nasty, skanky, blonde, beat up, whiney ass pussy following me around the neighborhood. I walk to the store, there she is. I go outside to the garage, she tries to break in. I don't know what it's deal is, but my bitch is getting really sick of that skanky pussy coming up to my house all the time, trying to love on me. What's making it worse, is now she's pregnant! I don't even think Maury could find out the father of this girls babies, always roaming the streets late at night.

All I know is, I'm about to call Animal Control, cuz I don't think I can take another night of this thing meowing at my door at 3am.

Oh, wanna add real quick, I just realized today that my last update was written on Saturday, but it says Sunday, with Fridays date! It's been fixed, thanks for letting me know assholes!
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